Letting Go - How to say goodbye to your foster dog
9:07 AMThe doorbell rings.
You go open it and smile and invite this wonderful person into your home. Or maybe you're meeting the adopter at a rescue sponsored event or at the shelter. It doesn't really matter.
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| Going Home! |
This person or family has made the fantastic choice to adopt a new pet for their family. And they've chosen your foster! Hurray! Woohoo! This is great!
Right? Or is it?
First of all - yes, it is. But we've all spoken to the people who say, "Oh, I'd love to foster - but I can't because I'd keep them all. How do you do it?" Well, yeah, it's hard. That's WHY we do it. I'm always tempted to respond to those people with, "Oh, I know! It's so much better that they die in the shelter than tug at your heartstrings." But I don't. I just smile and nod.
Let's get one thing straight. My foster is my dog - right up until it isn't. I'll clean up poop and puke in the middle of the night if he's sick and I'll throw myself in front of a speeding car if she's about to be hit. I'll drive hundreds of miles for specialist care. But then, suddenly, it's not my dog. That dog walks out the door as a member of someone else's family. Which is? Exactly. How. It. Should. Be.
Some dogs only stay a few weeks, though we've had fosters stay in our home for close to a year. I think the record is somewhere around ten months. Let's be honest, that's longer than some people keep a puppy they got at Christmas.
So how do you do it? How do you let go? Here are some tips.
- Get to know the adopter a little if possible. See if they are amenable to texts or social media contact so you can keep connected. If not, oh well. If so? Don't bug them!
- Keep the mindset for the last couple of weeks that your foster might be moving on soon. While they're still "your foster dog" for the moment, take this time to get excited for them to be getting to do all the amazing first time stuff with their new family.
- Ensure their success. Make sure your foster's training and skills are in tip-top shape for going to their new home. Knowing they are likely to succeed and be great family members greatly reduces your stress level as they move on.
- Cry. Yep, I said it. It's okay, and a normal part of the process. This dog might have come into your life as a steaming hot mess, but now is moving on as a functional family member with great skills because of your love and effort. It's okay to get emotional. I certainly do.
Then you wipe away the tears and do it all again. You become a stepping stone for the next pupper in need of whatever you do best.
Have you seen the Disney Pixar movie, "Soul" yet? There's a scene in it that EXACTLY describes what adoption day is like for me. Without spoiling the movie, there's a scene where the two main characters are holding hands. Remember? When they let go - that's what it's like. That's the feeling.
One last thing to keep in mind. Failing fostering (adopting your foster) is okay. And sometimes it's the absolute right thing to do for your family and the dog. But keep in mind when you do that, you take away a space for a dog who really needs to get out of a bad situation and into a great foster home like yours. Maybe you can still find room in both your heart and your home to have that former foster dog teach the new foster dog the ropes!
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